So I work in a nursing home as a speech therapist, and a large part of my day is talking to adorable little old men and ladies who are either quite demented or just unabashed to be old and crazy. I jot down some of the funny comments and stories they tell me and want to share them with the world.

Retro 01/23/07

Mr. Maddox: Can you get me up? You'll need you and an aspirin.

Therapist: What did you write?

Mr. Maddox: His name is Zarno.

Mr. Sims: (About a picture of a mushroom) It's a floor sweeping', horse whippin' thing.

Therapist: Where will we put this cauliflower?
Mr. Sims: It goes in my stomach when I eat it raw.

Therapist: (About a picture of a man choking on food) What should his wife do?
Mr. Sims: Pour it all over hum and set him on fire.
Therapist: Will that stop him from choking?
Mr. Sims: No, but it'll set him a'smokin! He needs a glass of water and pour it over his head and down his throat and over her head.