So I work in a nursing home as a speech therapist, and a large part of my day is talking to adorable little old men and ladies who are either quite demented or just unabashed to be old and crazy. I jot down some of the funny comments and stories they tell me and want to share them with the world.

March 23rd Okay, not 5 children?

Ms. Latham: I have 7 children. I have 8 brothers and sisters.

Ms. Latham: I broke.... this news.... to tell me.... to stay home.

Ms. Latham: I studied and studied and studied for the Army. I don't know why sometimes you just do things. The Army is so serious.

Ms. Falcone: My husband got these earrings for me. They're worth 34 thousand dollars. During the war my husband was overseas and he was out on this island. He went to a rock and inside it he found these earrings.

Mr. Cargo: I have permission to go to bed.
Me: From who?
Mr. Cargo: Mr. Cargo.
Me: Who is he?
Mr. Cargo: Boss of this here outfit.
Me: When did you become boss?
Mr. Cargo: Today.
Me: You can't be your own boss.
Mr. Cargo: I asked Mr. Cargo if I could go to bed and he said after breakfast so I can go to bed now. You better put me to bed, the boss ordered it.
Me: How'd you get to be boss?
Mr. Cargo: Through the grapevine, I guess.

Mr. Oldham: The other therapists didn't come to get me today. They evacuated me.

Mr. Oldham: That Austin, he sure is a big ol' fellow and I think he got bigger. He like to wrung my arm off shaking it.

Mr. Oldham: They didn't have no frigidaire or ice box, they kept that stuff in the well, they'd put it in a basket and lower it on a rope. I got some cream from there and put it in my coffee. When I went outside to work, the cream got all clabbered up in my stomach from the heat. That soured me on coffee.

Mr Oldham: (his song about a mule)
I once lived in a little town
A man named Simon Sligg
That owned a mule with dreary eyes
And how that mule could kick
He'd wink his eye and wag his tail
And greet you with a smile
Then gently telegraph his leg
And raise you half a mile
Oh mule, oh mule I say
Tie a knot in your tail
Or he will run away
Oh mule, oh mule I hollar
Tie a knot in that mule tail
Or he'll jump through a collar

Mr. Oldham: That nurse, I call him mountain man. He walks just like those guys in Tennessee I saw all walkin' up the hills with their chest out and leanin' way back.

Mr. Oldham: Diane isn't working today she got one of those migraines. I'm lucky that way I ain't got a brain in my head to ache.

Ms. Yates: She's sweet with it, that makes her hair look better.

Ms. Erwin: When I get my eyes closed and go to sleep, I don't now if I'm here or there or upstairs.

Ms. Harris: I don't know any answers or questions.