So I work in a nursing home as a speech therapist, and a large part of my day is talking to adorable little old men and ladies who are either quite demented or just unabashed to be old and crazy. I jot down some of the funny comments and stories they tell me and want to share them with the world.

March 9th Elvis has left the building

Ms. Dillard: I don't care for Elvis. I didn't like him after he started shaking that butt. My cousin, she loved him, but I told her it looked like he messed his pants and was trying to shake it out. Boy, that made her mad!

Ms. Dillard: [unable to walk after a stroke, can barely even stand with 3 people helping, hasn't left nursing home in months] Do you remember the time you and me went a ridin' in the truck? And we went way out in the country down that road and we stopped at this little ol' store. I asked the man there if I could have a drink of water from the welll and he said it would be $1.25. I said I ain't gonna pay that much for water and we got back in the truck and came back.

Ms. Dillard: [pointing to her paralyzed arm] You see that arm there? That's Gene's arm. [her dead son] After he died, it wa just a layin' around the house so I took it and I'm usin' it.

Ms. Latham: [about her day yesterday] It was busy busy busy. I worked and played.

Ms. Latham: [about the Elvis impersonation performance] I didn't hear him, I guess he'll have to play again.

Ms. Latham: We made a trip to France in the truck.

Mr. Oldham: Tornadoes hardly ever hit Birmingham. It's in a valley, sits between two hills where the stuff goes up one hill and jumps over to the other side.

Mr. Oldham: Gladys made a good amount of money when she was working but she never paid no bills. She spent it all on herself, I don't know where it all went. But she had so many damn shoes in the closet it looked like a shoe store.

Mr. Oldham: [on his wife] She ain't beautiful no more. She's pretty, but not beautiful. She got a good booty. That's how she got me, shaking that booty at me. She got in a hula line and shook that booty in my face. I grabbed on and haven't let go since.