So I work in a nursing home as a speech therapist, and a large part of my day is talking to adorable little old men and ladies who are either quite demented or just unabashed to be old and crazy. I jot down some of the funny comments and stories they tell me and want to share them with the world.

Tons o' fun in the nursing home on March 6th

Ms. Erwin: What's that? Your hair is pretty and you're not so pretty.

Ms. Erwin: My mother tells me not to get wet outside, but it does, I do, it did.

Ms. Erwin: Sittin' right there, you'll be dead if you don't move around! [to her roommate, who she doesn't like so much]

Ms. Yates: [about her son] I had him in the morning. The aunt and uncle had come in the night before from way off. I was so happy cause he had a head of hair and blue eyes. And they just had a fit over him, he cried and she cried. And he wanted him named after him but I didn't want it. But Barney [husband] said to let him and I said I don't care. Name him whatever you want. So he's named Mart Lillie. They just named him. They didn't let me know they named him. I just said that's all right. I had those babies one right after another. They were doing me just like they wanted to.

Mr. Oldham: [about his drinks, he is on thickened liquids] This milk ain't no good. They collect all the water in those cisterns and it ain't no good for the cows. This milk got all clabbered.

Mr. Oldham: In Minnesota, that water up there, you have to take a sip of water and I have to take a sip of whiskey to get the taste of it out of my mouth, that's how bad the water was up there. I took my brother up there to the hospital, he was paralyzed. I gave him a bath one day. I picked him up and put him in there. That ol' water up there it's that ol' soft water. I couldn't get all that soap off him. I don't know how he got all that soap on him but I rinsed him and rinsed him till I just got ashamed of myself. I had to fill up the bath 3 or 4 times trying to rinse him off. But I never could, that ol' soft water, it's slick anyway. Finally I just gave up and it came out alright.

Mr. Oldham: I had to quit my own self though. They didn't stop me. [about smoking]

Mr. Oldham: I had 7 sisters and there were 5 boys. My momma had them all and my daddy furnished them, I reckon. She didn't call me a smart alek, she called me a dumb ass.

Mr. Oldham: [about his wife] All my money got blowed away. Gladys blowed it away, I didn't blow it away.

Mr. Oldham: The dietician she skipped me. She asks me what all I like to eat and then gives me everything I don't want.

Mr. Oldham. My brother he used to kid me and hold me down and put a dress on me and hang my pants on the line outside. In the meantime, he'd go around to all the neighbors and tell them I had a dress on so I couldn't go outside and get my pants.

Mr. Oldham: My momma, she loved me. She wouldn't have gotten much exercise if it wasn't for me - whipping my butt. I guess that's how my butt got so big.