So I work in a nursing home as a speech therapist, and a large part of my day is talking to adorable little old men and ladies who are either quite demented or just unabashed to be old and crazy. I jot down some of the funny comments and stories they tell me and want to share them with the world.

Scandal on the 31st

Ms. Latham: I have about 5 or 6 children. I think I have 4 brothers and sisters.

Ms. Latham: What did I do? Well, the usual thing of cook, served dinner, go to church at night. My brother came home for a while, he was in the service.

Ms. Latham: When was my birthday? Every Sunday?

Ms. Latham: 96? I'm not that old. I am? Oh well, whatever. I'm here. Still here.

Ms. Falcone: I ate all my oatmeal? Are you sure? I probably spit it out in my towel and dumped it over here. [She did]

Ms. Falcone: [About her roommate, who likes to eat, while Ms. Falcone does not] Her? She'd eat a dead cat if you put it in front of her.

Mr. Cargo: They're supposed to put me to bed after the trial. My trial. I'm supposed to have molested a nurse but I haven't touched a woman in 5 years and that's a cold hard fact. It's just a damn show for the press.

Ms. McGuire: Will you help me catch the streetcar?

Mr. Smith: Hey lady, would you wait a minute and see if I have anything in my pockets? Feel and see if she has anything in her pockets.

Mr. Smith: When did you bring that buggy in yonder? [about a wheelchair]

Ms. Johnson: Mary Mary, how does your garden grow? It doesn't. I don't water it.

Ms. Erwin: I wouldn't laid him, say anything to him.

Ms. Erwin: There was a man across over there and he got lunch at the same time and I got one on my neck and had to bat them off and tell them I was just not going to go there.

Ms. Erwin: I wasn't afraid of going because some of them come back and there's a place to place to place to go but I was afraid to go because no one told me to go.

Ms. Erwin: I just sit around and hollar and messa mess and make a mess!

Ms. Erwin: And when his wife or girl or whatever, it's one of those things.

Ms. Erwin: The people over there are nice. Most of them are blak but I dont' mard mon marl that because I've got to do that too.

Ms. Erwin: All of them are sweet and you, you is the better, you is the betterest!

Ms. Harris: I wish you would ak her to smell of her coat. It stinks to high heaven from her smoking. It's just ick and she puts it in her closet. I don't know if she knows it stinks, I've never seen her smell of it. [about her roommate]